Writer for The Washington Post, Carolyn Hax, recently replied to a question by stating, “None of us is without frailty. However, feeling ashamed of our frailties is a virtual invitation for predatory others to come help us feel worse, usually under the guise of trying to fix us. It would be more useful to learn to spot people who are trying to make us good enough for them.” We want to attract responsible people to our lives by being responsible ourselves and learn to spot abusive behavior. “Own it” when you have made a mistake and feel guilty and learn to recognize when others aren’t owning their own bad behavior, don’t let them put that shame on you. Dr. Les Carter’s video outlines what responsible people do and don’t do. We want to grow to be a better person from the inside out, not punish and pummel others for our mistakes that we want to say others are responsible for. Grow in the direction of positive thoughts which brings positive actions and away from black and white thinking.
Our Life Is Now. Be Patient To Be The Person You Are Meant To Become By Overcoming Your Fear.
Brene Brown wrote the “Manifesto of The Brave and Brokenhearted ” which I love. It talks about overcoming failure and owning your story. If we don’t face our fears head on, they define our lives. By being honest with ourselves and others, we are finding our courage to rise up with compassion instead of being consumed with shame and disappointment. Our lives are now so we must live in the here and now. Be patient to be the person you are meant to become . Be brave to be your authentic self by not letting bullies dominate and control you. Hide no more, pretend no more by overcoming your fear of them with truth. See this great video on 5 Life Lessons People Often Learn Too Late.
Jodee Blanco, A Bullied Student & Her Lessons on Compassion at jodeeblanco.com
I met Jodee Blanco ten years ago at my child’s high school. Jodee provided a talk to students and parents about her own experiences as a bullied student. I watched Jodee confront a child who I was aware was an aggressor at my child’s school. I was grateful that she had an honest conversation with him as well as so many other children and adults that night. I realized as she spoke that I had been bullied at school and had also bullied others. Children who like and love themselves, do not bully. Jodee’s website at jodeeblanco.com provides strategies for both the bully and victims to find compassion as a defense against bullying. Jodee empowers parents to find new groups outside of school where their child victim can find new friends. Bullied children isolate themselves, Jodee gives strategies to have victims stop hiding by making the world a gentler one for them through action. Jodee’s book, Please Stop Laughing At Me, is an honest discussion on bullying which can keep so many from being harmed.
Rising Up With Grace and Love
Brene’ Brown in her book “Rising Strong” talks about telling our story, not denying it. Being brave to honestly tell your truth and recognizing, yes this is what happened and now I get to choose how my story ends, will be powerful for you. In this YouTube video Brene’ and Oprah talk about sharing your pain with those who have earned the right to hear your story and can carry the weight of it without judgement. Victims of abuse/bullying need to find that one person who will meet you with grace and love so you can share your burden. Carrying your pain alone is a dangerous emotional and physical place to be for victims. Conquer your fear and reach out for help to that one person who you know will have your back. Someday, when the storm passes, and it will, you will be grateful that you did.
Do Good, Feel Good
This morning I read an amazing article by Author Gretchen Rubin about the value of being kind. Her words, “do good, feel good” are so profound. I remember the times in my life when I have not been kind and those memories nag at me, make me feel less good about myself. I make an effort to be kind, remembering times in life when actions of kindness by someone else lifted me up on difficult days. Kindness is contagious. Giving someone a genuine smile, helping a neighbor or stranger even in the smallest of ways, inspires others to do the same. Especially during a dark period, being kind to someone else will be the first step in saving yourself. Changing our behavior to be compassionate at every opportunity, helps us be more compassionate with ourselves. See this great video from Steve Hartman in his Kindness 101 Series about Compassion and being the Anti-Bully.