I met Jodee Blanco ten years ago at my child’s high school. Jodee provided a talk to students and parents about her own experiences as a bullied student. I watched Jodee confront a child who I was aware was an aggressor at my child’s school. I was grateful that she had an honest conversation with him as well as so many other children and adults that night. I realized as she spoke that I had been bullied at school and had also bullied others. Children who like and love themselves, do not bully. Jodee’s website at jodeeblanco.com provides strategies for both the bully and victims to find compassion as a defense against bullying. Jodee empowers parents to find new groups outside of school where their child victim can find new friends. Bullied children isolate themselves, Jodee gives strategies to have victims stop hiding by making the world a gentler one for them through action. Jodee’s book, Please Stop Laughing At Me, is an honest discussion on bullying which can keep so many from being harmed.
Rising Up With Grace and Love
Brene’ Brown in her book “Rising Strong” talks about telling our story, not denying it. Being brave to honestly tell your truth and recognizing, yes this is what happened and now I get to choose how my story ends, will be powerful for you. In this YouTube video Brene’ and Oprah talk about sharing your pain with those who have earned the right to hear your story and can carry the weight of it without judgement. Victims of abuse/bullying need to find that one person who will meet you with grace and love so you can share your burden. Carrying your pain alone is a dangerous emotional and physical place to be for victims. Conquer your fear and reach out for help to that one person who you know will have your back. Someday, when the storm passes, and it will, you will be grateful that you did.
Do Good, Feel Good
This morning I read an amazing article by Author Gretchen Rubin about the value of being kind. Her words, “do good, feel good” are so profound. I remember the times in my life when I have not been kind and those memories nag at me, make me feel less good about myself. I make an effort to be kind, remembering times in life when actions of kindness by someone else lifted me up on difficult days. Kindness is contagious. Giving someone a genuine smile, helping a neighbor or stranger even in the smallest of ways, inspires others to do the same. Especially during a dark period, being kind to someone else will be the first step in saving yourself. Changing our behavior to be compassionate at every opportunity, helps us be more compassionate with ourselves. See this great video from Steve Hartman in his Kindness 101 Series about Compassion and being the Anti-Bully.
TV Talk: 2020 Bolingbrook-August Show- Now on YouTube
Barbara Parker, the host of 2020 Bolingbrook-August Show, sat down with me to discuss gethelpforbullying.com. 2020 Bolingbrook is a Bolingbrook Community Television show.
Ellen Jo Ljung Guest Blog
I am honored to be the first guest blogger on this important website. I first met its creator ten years ago, when we were both working to convince the Geneva, Illinois, school district to take a more proactive role to prevent bullying. That was not the first time I’d pushed for anti-bullying, and sadly, I’m sure it won’t be the last. But every teacher, parent, student, and community member needs to learn more about bullying. We all need to understand the root causes and the cost not only to the victims but also to their bullies and to bystanders. Then we need to learn how to take effective actions to prevent that kind of harm.
According to national studies, about 20% of students aged 12-18 report having been bullied and 49% of children in grades 4–12 reported being bullied by other students at school at least once during the past month ,[1] about 30% acknowledge having been a bully,[2] and over 70% of students and staff have witnessed bullying.[3] These number should concern all of us.
Bullied students often suffer effects that “can include:
- Social isolation
- Feelings of shame
- Sleep disturbance
- Changes in eating habits
- Low self-esteem
- School avoidance
- Symptoms of anxiety
- Bedwetting
- Higher risk of illness
- Psychosomatic symptoms (stomachaches, headaches, muscle aches, other physical complaints with no known medical cause)
- Poor school performance
- Symptoms of depression
- Chronic depression
- Increased risk of suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, and suicide attempts
- Anxiety disorders
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
- Poor general health
- Self-destructive behavior, including self-harm
- Substance abuse
- Difficulty establishing trusting, reciprocal friendships and relationships”[4]
Bullies themselves face both short-term and long-term dire consequences of their own behavior:
- “Chronic depression
- Increased risk of suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, and suicide attempts
- Anxiety disorders
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
- Poor general health
- Self-destructive behavior, including self-harm
- Substance abuse
- Difficulty establishing trusting, reciprocal friendships and relationships
- Risk of spousal or child abuse
- Risk of antisocial behavior
- Substance abuse
- Less likely to be educated or employed”[5]
Bystanders, those who witness bullying but fail to intervene, also suffer. They may:
- “be reluctant to attend school
- feel fearful or powerless to act and guilty for not acting
- have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety
- have increased use of tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs”[6]
Yet we know that when bystanders intervene, “bullying stops within 10 seconds 57% of the time.”[7] Training students and staff on how to intervene offers one of many strategies that can make a difference. More and more effective, evidence-based anti-bullying programs have become available. Check out https://www.cde.state.co.us/mtss/bullying/bestpractices
and https://educationandbehavior.com/research-based-bullying-prevention-programs/ for specific examples.
Every child deserves to feel safe to learn. Schools and the larger communities need to ensure that safety. A site like this one helps all of us to learn how keep students safe.
Ellen Jo Ljung
Educator/Writer/Consultant
www.imwriter.com
[1] https://nces.ed.gov/programs/crimeindicators/ind_10.asp,
[2] Bradshaw, C.P., Sawyer, A.L., & O’Brennan, L.M. (2007). “Bullying and peer victimization at school: Perceptual differences between students and school staff.” School Psychology Review, 36(3), 361-382.
[3] Ibid.
[4] https://www.psycom.net/effects-of-bullying/
[5] Ibid.
[6] https://www.education.vic.gov.au/about/programs/bullystoppers/Pages/what.aspx
[7] Hawkins, D. L., Pepler, D., and Craig, W. M. (2001). “Peer interventions in playground bullying.” Social Development, 10, 512-527.