The fact that you have taken the time to learn more about overcoming being bullied, you know you matter. Don’t diminish what you do and your value to this world. Difficult times will come but they will pass and a brighter day will shine through. Focus on what you can control in your life and take steps each day to make the lives of others bright. A purpose in life, even small efforts each day to make someone else feel valued, will build your confidence in yourself. You’ve taken the first step today. Watch this amazing video by Hannah Grace Spangler and recognize you are not alone in your self doubt but you can overcome.
Validation is approval from others. Self-esteem is approval from yourself. Never sacrifice your self-esteem to gain validation. Validation is easily regained once lost. Self-esteem is not. -Mark Manson
Author Mark Manson asks, “In what ways have you sacrificed your self-respect in favor of validation from others?” Mark Manson asks if you are sacrificing for this relationship to the point where you are allowing yourself to be disrespected? Self-esteem is very hard to get back once lost. In your current relationship, do you respect your partner and do they respect you? Do you share the same values? Is there trust and open communication where you listen to one another and feel safe communicating each others truth? Love isn’t a feeling it’s a decision. Romantic love feelings are unreliable. You might not feel loving on a particular day but once you decide to love your partner, you have made a love decision and your behavior is reliable and set. Physical attraction may fade over time and romantic love will ebb and flow. You and your partner have to make a love decision so that the relationship lasts the test of time in a healthy way where you both are elevated by being together.
When A Toxic Person Comes Into Your Space, Do You Notice All Of A Sudden You Are Out of Balance, Unsettled, Not Your Self And Trying To Compensate For This Person? There’s Nothing You Can Do To Make This Person Happy With You.
Avoid Toxic Relationships by recognizing Manipulation and Gaslighting. When someone’s words don’t match their action equals Manipulation. Refusing to be held accountable for those words or actions is Gaslighting. Recognize Toxic People: As Maya Angelou said, the first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t talk yourself into unseeing what they showed you. If you allow the behavior to continue, it will continue. Be grateful that what is happening in your relationship, is trying to teach you something about finding your value in this world and not allowing others to steal your light.
Hurt People, Hurt People. Be Unpredictable. Do Good To Those Who Mistreat You. Do You Want To Waste Your Energy On Someone You Don’t Like? You Don’t Get Ahead By Getting Even. At The End Of This Relationship, What Is The Story You Want To Tell? By: Andy Stanley
Empathy by Brene Brown: I know what it’s like down here. I’m so glad you told me what you’re going through. You’re not alone.
By Carolyn Hax: When at a Crossroad in Life: Will anything change? Can I accept that? Should I accept that? Then, find your COURAGE, by Anne Sexton
It is in the small things we see it, the child’s first step, as awesome as an earthquake. The first time you rode a bike wallowing up the sidewalk. The first spanking when your heart went on a journey all alone. When they called you cry baby or poor or fatty or crazy and made you into an an alien. You drank their acid and concealed it. Later if you faced the death of bombs and bullets, you did not do it with a banner, you did it with only a hat to cover your heart. You did not fondle the weakness inside you though it was there. Your courage was a small coal you kept swallowing. If your buddy saved you and died himself in so doing, then his courage was not courage it was love; love as simple as shaving soap. Later, if you have endured great despair then you did it alone, getting a transfusion from the fire, picking the scabs off your heart. Then wringing it out like a sock. Next my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow, you gave it a back rub and then covered it with a blanket and after it had slept a while it woke to the wings of the roses and was transformed. Later, when you face old age and its natural conclusion your courage will still be shown in the little ways, each spring will be a sword you’ll sharpen, those you love will live in a fever of love, and you’ll bargain with the calendar and at the last moment when death opens the back door you’ll put on your carpet slippers and stride out.
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. “- Robin Williams
One in 3 women and one in 4 men will experience an abusive relationship. It’s hard to know when you’re not in a good partnership. It’s easier to ignore the behavior of someone you have to “walk on egg shells” around. Abusers need to cut you down so they feel like they have elevated themselves above you so you won’t feel strong enough to leave them. Or they might try the strategy of love bombing you with “over the top” compliments or affection, they may cry and an” I love you” is used. How could someone who loves me want to hurt me, so you go back. These are Manipulation techniques along with telling you that “you’re crazy” or people that you hold dear are bad, is a common tactic of people who want to dominate you. Know the warning signs of abuse whether it be in a partner or family relationship. Do they prevent you from seeing some family members or friends? Are they a jerk with your friends but not their own? Do they control the finances or you do not fully understand their finances that may effect you? Do they use intimidation through their looks or actions to get you to do what they want? Do you argue when you tell them your feelings? Do they blame shift so you’re confused? Do they threaten to take away something you hold dear? One study indicated that abusers will harm their victim financially and/or legally 99% of the time so lean into what is really going on. Abuse is wanting power or control over another person. Abuse escalates over time. Your abuser may punch a hole in something. Throw things. Allows others to verbally abuse you. They don’t come to your defense. They call you names. Embarrass you in public. They’re jealous. Try to trap you into a relationship with them. Abuse is not just being beaten up. If you realize something has to change and you’re not being heard, see https://thehotline.org. Don’t confront your abuser. Instead call, text or chat for help with this person. See wannatalkaboutit.com. Netflix Limited Series “Maid” is a must watch. See signs of relationship abuse at joinonelove.org which include videos like one below, #ThatsNotLove. Remember, there’s something wrong with them and you can’t fix it.
Some People Will Never Like You Because Your Spirit Irritates Their Demons-Denzel Washington
Writer for The Washington Post, Carolyn Hax, recently replied to a question by stating, “None of us is without frailty. However, feeling ashamed of our frailties is a virtual invitation for predatory others to come help us feel worse, usually under the guise of trying to fix us. It would be more useful to learn to spot people who are trying to make us good enough for them.” We want to attract responsible people to our lives by being responsible ourselves and learn to spot abusive behavior. “Own it” when you have made a mistake and feel guilty and learn to recognize when others aren’t owning their own bad behavior, don’t let them put that shame on you. Dr. Les Carter’s video outlines what responsible people do and don’t do. We want to grow to be a better person from the inside out, not punish and pummel others for our mistakes that we want to say others are responsible for. Grow in the direction of positive thoughts which brings positive actions and away from black and white thinking.
It’s Easier To Fool People Than To Convince Them That They Have Been Fooled -Mark Twain
Bullies want to shame their victims by telling lies to keep the Narcissist/Sociopath from being judged negatively. Lying keeps their victim isolated. Bullies want power over others in a relationship. Bullies want to control how others perceive them. If the victim isn’t present to defend themselves, manipulative bullies can tell the same lie repeatedly until it becomes the easily duped truth. Don’t let a liar get inside you and weigh you down. Learn how to rise up without hiding so you can face your own truth and be your authentic self. By being grateful, practicing kindness and having positive, “I Will” thoughts, brings genuine, honest people into your life. Maybe there is someone already there for you to ease your suffering. Focus on the here and now to see them. See this short video on the 7 Traits of Honest People.
Go Where You’re Celebrated, Not Where You’re Tolerated
On Quora, Charmaine G. posted, from Author Unknown, “To Stop Chasing People.”
If they block you, cut off contact, ignore you, let them go. Let the people who naturally gravitate towards you enjoy your energy. We spend so much time begging people to stay, proving your worth, clinging to them so that they won’t have room to leave. Cherish people who Want to talk to you, who Want to see you, who are there by Choice, and not there because you chased them every time they decided to bail on you.
I’ve also added a link posted by Wayne Hardy from author @noblenav on Quora about how a Malignant Narcissist/Sociopath can cause you to change.
https://www.quora.com/q/risingabovenarcissism/ti-15288477?ch=10&share=ffc0e7d1