Don’t let a bully negotiate who you are. Be a part of something that is important and be honest about how you feel. Standing your ground with a bully takes courage. Be open about what you value. It takes real bravery to stand alone and be alone when it appears the crowd is following another path.
Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is. -Anne Frank
We want to continue to grow and improve especially in the face of tough times. As Winston Churchill said, “To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often. Those who never change their minds, never change anything. To lead change, we must start with ourselves first.” Recognizing our emotions on a challenging day will gather strength in you and lead to positive change as the video by Psych2go.net explains.
Humility Is Not Thinking Less of Yourself But It’s Thinking Of Yourself Less-CS Lewis
The fact that you have taken the time to learn more about overcoming being bullied, you know you matter. Don’t diminish what you do and your value to this world. Difficult times will come but they will pass and a brighter day will shine through. Focus on what you can control in your life and take steps each day to make the lives of others bright. A purpose in life, even small efforts each day to make someone else feel valued, will build your confidence in yourself. You’ve taken the first step today. Watch this amazing video by Hannah Grace Spangler and recognize you are not alone in your self doubt but you can overcome.
Validation is approval from others. Self-esteem is approval from yourself. Never sacrifice your self-esteem to gain validation. Validation is easily regained once lost. Self-esteem is not. -Mark Manson
Author Mark Manson asks, “In what ways have you sacrificed your self-respect in favor of validation from others?” Mark Manson asks if you are sacrificing for this relationship to the point where you are allowing yourself to be disrespected? Self-esteem is very hard to get back once lost. In your current relationship, do you respect your partner and do they respect you? Do you share the same values? Is there trust and open communication where you listen to one another and feel safe communicating each others truth? Love isn’t a feeling it’s a decision. Romantic love feelings are unreliable. You might not feel loving on a particular day but once you decide to love your partner, you have made a love decision and your behavior is reliable and set. Physical attraction may fade over time and romantic love will ebb and flow. You and your partner have to make a love decision so that the relationship lasts the test of time in a healthy way where you both are elevated by being together.
I Think Ageing Is An Extraordinary Process Whereby You Become The Person You Always Should’ve Been-David Bowie
How do we go from feeling powerless in life to feeling powerful? How do we learn to believe in ourselves and gain confidence? How do we not let others define us and bring us down? How do we find the courage to be our true selves? Emily Jaenson’s TEDxTALK describes the steps she took to increase her confidence and be the anti-bully by celebrating others successes and growth as well as her own.
Be Curious, Not Judgemental-American Poet Walt Whitman
Be a person that wants to learn about other people. Ask questions, don’t be fault finding. Stride to be a person that isn’t critical of others. Bullies are judgy people. Bullies aren’t interested in learning others stories and motivators. See this awesome scene from the TV Show Ted Lasso on how to be the Anti-bully by being curious.
When A Toxic Person Comes Into Your Space, Do You Notice All Of A Sudden You Are Out of Balance, Unsettled, Not Your Self And Trying To Compensate For This Person? There’s Nothing You Can Do To Make This Person Happy With You.
Avoid Toxic Relationships by recognizing Manipulation and Gaslighting. When someone’s words don’t match their action equals Manipulation. Refusing to be held accountable for those words or actions is Gaslighting. Recognize Toxic People: As Maya Angelou said, the first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t talk yourself into unseeing what they showed you. If you allow the behavior to continue, it will continue. Be grateful that what is happening in your relationship, is trying to teach you something about finding your value in this world and not allowing others to steal your light.
Be A Friend To Make A Friend
Build your self esteem by doing for others. If you’re like me and shy, get out of your comfort zone. Put yourself out there. Volunteer at a cause you believe in. Travel some where alone, even if it’s just a place nearby. Join a new group. Above all, be kind because kindness changes everything. All you need is one true friend, a person who has your back whenever you need an embrace. A friend can be your relative, neighbor, teacher, boy or girl. What matters is that you are there for them in their times of need and they will be there for you. Become a better listener than talker. You learn by listening. If you are truly interested in sharing the same soul with someone, you will find your friend and be one together. See Steve Harman’s Kindness 101 episode on Friendship.
Hurt People, Hurt People. Be Unpredictable. Do Good To Those Who Mistreat You. Do You Want To Waste Your Energy On Someone You Don’t Like? You Don’t Get Ahead By Getting Even. At The End Of This Relationship, What Is The Story You Want To Tell? By: Andy Stanley
By Carolyn Hax: When at a Crossroad in Life: Will anything change? Can I accept that? Should I accept that? Then, find your COURAGE, by Anne Sexton
It is in the small things we see it, the child’s first step, as awesome as an earthquake. The first time you rode a bike wallowing up the sidewalk. The first spanking when your heart went on a journey all alone. When they called you cry baby or poor or fatty or crazy and made you into an an alien. You drank their acid and concealed it. Later if you faced the death of bombs and bullets, you did not do it with a banner, you did it with only a hat to cover your heart. You did not fondle the weakness inside you though it was there. Your courage was a small coal you kept swallowing. If your buddy saved you and died himself in so doing, then his courage was not courage it was love; love as simple as shaving soap. Later, if you have endured great despair then you did it alone, getting a transfusion from the fire, picking the scabs off your heart. Then wringing it out like a sock. Next my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow, you gave it a back rub and then covered it with a blanket and after it had slept a while it woke to the wings of the roses and was transformed. Later, when you face old age and its natural conclusion your courage will still be shown in the little ways, each spring will be a sword you’ll sharpen, those you love will live in a fever of love, and you’ll bargain with the calendar and at the last moment when death opens the back door you’ll put on your carpet slippers and stride out.