Co-dependents use flight(exit conversation) strategy in arguments whereas abusers use fight(dominating conversation) strategy. Allowing our emotional thoughts to take over our rational thoughts creates destructive behavior. To find your Wise Mind, first recognize your Emotional thought. That is your personal interpretation of an event. Emotionally, how were you feeling? Then look to your Rational thought. Based on factual evidence, was this thought reasonable and what should I do now? To find your ultimate Wise Mind, think what will the consequence of this reaction be? What is the best response for me, for others, for the situation? See the attached worksheet to work out a past event and see this short video on the dangers of being a “people pleaser”. Taking hold of your Wise Mind, by recognizing your emotions and are they rational, will help you better stand up for yourself during conflict and stop people pleasing behaviors.
https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk//wisemind.htm