To be the Anti-Bully, we need to recognize the emotional triggers that create poor communication. Reviewing Mel Robbins 5 second rule, is a great resource when you are feeling the need to fight or flee a difficult talk. Co-dependents use the flight/passive strategy of communication. We believe we’re not okay unless the other person is okay. Bullies use the fight/aggressive strategy when having an emotionally triggered talk. An example is they’re cutoff in traffic. Instead of counting down from 5 before reacting, they lash out verbally/fight. They think, “I’m okay, you’re not.” The most effective communication technique is the Assertive, “I’m okay, you’re okay.” The Assertive strategy is when you are respectful, even if you disagree with a person. You are in emotional control. When you are in fight/flight mode, your communication is ineffective. Having empathy, “I hear you, I understand what you’re saying, I get that,” puts the other person at ease. You respect them. People are more open to your thoughts if they feel they are heard, not dismissed, you are trying to understand how they feel even if you disagree. The 5 second rule, and changing your thought when you hear a tone, word or event which sets off an emotional trigger, works. When cutoff in traffic, after 5 second countdown think “maybe they’re headed to an emergency,” is a healthier thought for you, than an angry reaction. See Communication worksheet for help.
Action you can take to survive abuse/bullies