When I read the painful lyrics to the Billie Eilish song “Everything I Wanted,” it helped me to understand that others also work out their bullying experiences through their dreams. When I shared a bullying experience that happened to me to an outsider, he replied, “that sounds like a nightmare.” This helped me see that the shame I was feeling over these events were not my responsibility. Shame is when something bad happens and you allow those feelings to define you and how you feel about yourself. I now try to practice empathy, especially with those that bully others. What is going on with this person? Why do they need to shame, control, and lie about people they find threatening? Their shame for their past actions or the shame that has been put on them by others, does not move the bully forward in life. It keeps them stuck in behaviors of the past that are not helpful. See this short TED Talk by June Tangney about the difference between guilt and shame to stop bullies from having you buy into bad feelings about yourself.
Action you can take to survive abuse/bullies