Have you ever had the bully in your life welcome a new person into their group? You’re confused, why are they acting all nice to this new person when they are so unkind to you. They’re holding this person’s hand, that’s weird. It’s manipulation, trying to get others on their side. He’s so nice to new people, he couldn’t really be a bully with a plan. The plan is to confuse the bully’s victims. Innocent and kind people are not stupid. They just think everyone has a good heart. Whether the bully is mean to you behind closed doors or right out in the open, they gain power by getting others on their side. Behind your back, the bully will try to change people’s minds about you. They will tell lies about you or mock you in front of people they are trying to control. Others are afraid of the bully or buy into their fake disguise, so they won’t come to your defense. You can’t control others behavior or how other people feel. You can only change YOUR reaction to negative thoughts which is called Cognitive Defusion. An example, I’m having the thought that the Bully is making me feel like a loser. Just because I’m thinking that thought doesn’t mean that it is true. Instead, think the thought, “what would a kind friend say about me” so that you buy into a good thought about yourself not the thought the bully is trying to put on you. See this video from Therapy in a Nutshell titled, “Intrusive Thoughts and Overthinking: The Skill of Cognitive Fusion 20/30” to learn how to stop getting stuck in negative thoughts about yourself.
Action you can take to survive abuse/bullies